RAG DOLL
Written and Directed by Zena Dell Lowe
Inspired by her own true story, “Rag Doll” is an award-winning, thought-provoking short film about a woman who desperately wants to experience and believe in the redemptive healing power of love, and so stays married to a husband who, with equal desperation, uses her love to deny his same sex attraction.
In the destructive chaotic process, she loses herself as she aches for her husband's masculine love and his validation of her feminine worth and beauty. And yet, she tries fiercely to convince herself, and others, that this is real love – to know another’s damage, deny yourself, and love them anyway.
HONORS & AWARDS
IN DEFENSE OF RAG DOLL
In January of 2016, a local group of businessmen and women were invited to screen Rag Doll, followed by a short presentation and Q&A with Writer/Director Zena Dell Lowe, primarily to discuss criticisms of the film from the Christian community.
READ THESE AMAZING REVIEWS & COMMENTS
"It's rare to get a perspective this nuanced on an issue so potentially incendiary. Zena has managed to create a painfully authentic snapshot from her own experiences, something many women (and men) have gone through in silent torture.It would be easy to paint the husband as a callous villain, or the wife as vindictive, but instead they're suffering human beings who yearn to do the right thing, adrift with no counselors as to what IS the right thing to do. And as much as the husband is making choices harmful to himself and his wife, HER predicament - does she keep trying, keep tolerating her increasing loneliness? - serves as a palpable motivation to continue enabling a destructive relationship.As a gay man, I had several chances to marry a woman and have children (what I wanted more than anything). But I denied myself, knowing that if I would destroy another human being. This might encourage others to exercise discernment before entering a tragically doomed covenant.
."Evan Zander
Simply wow. Powerful in and of itself. Even more so because we knew the beautiful side of that relationship. Where someone who did not see the dance in the kitchen happen in real life, they might think it cliche, but you so perfectly capture the relationship in moments, people simply can't know how real that was for me to watch. We felt the edge of your pain at times but never knew. This movie brought back tears we cried years ago when we didn't know why such a beautiful marriage failed. It filled in the story neither of you knew how to share.
Thank you for the courageous acting and writing and this powerful story. I am amazed how gently you weave such a gritty and potentially incendiary tale. I can't imagine anyone watching this could leave without being challenged, identifying with both plights, feeling the unstated wounds, perhaps more aware of our own deep buried parts, forced to ponder how we might inadvertently or knowingly harm the ones we love most.
Powerful."
Matthew Harris
"Marriage is about so many things but most importantly it's a union of two people who commit to each other and promise to love and care for one another through the ups and downs of life. Although the two characters were obviously in love and devoted to each other, they both had underlying issues from their past which hindered their relationship. They were both "damaged". The wife allowed him to act on his impulses even though it tore her apart inside.
The emotional turmoil from both parties was obvious but the sacrifices she made to keep the marriage alive were incredibly selfless. I found myself genuinely wrapped up in the emotions of the characters.
This is an amazing and very powerful film."
Susan Anderson
"Powerful, and sad. And much more honest than most of what I've encountered on this subject. Seldom have I seen something that is able to be at once compassionate and brutally honest. I wish there was more of this kind of honesty in our culture, but especially regarding the impact this can have on relationships."
Joel Christie
"This is a powerful film, unsettling. It snuck in with relatable characters and such dark topic. I was not able to stop thinking about it. Wow."
Shana Powell
"This film is an amazing movie about a real experience. It's vulnerable and honest and raw. Zena is an honest, courageous artist. Her work moved me and blew me away."
Richard R.
"I applaud your willingness to share this film. I know it can only help others that are damaged. I believe all marriage counselors should view this film to get their eyes opened to the damage caused by living this experience, and show it to the couples that go to them for help.
Anonymous
"Powerful, and sad. And much more honest than most of what I've encountered on this subject. Seldom have I seen something that is able to be at once compassionate and brutally honest. I wish there was more of this kind of honesty in our culture, but especially regarding the impact this can have on relationships."
Joel Christie
"This is a powerful film, unsettling. It snuck in with relatable characters and such dark topic. I was not able to stop thinking about it. Wow."
Shana Powell
"This film is an amazing movie about a real experience. It's vulnerable and honest and raw. Zena is an honest, courageous artist. Her work moved me and blew me away."
Richard R.
"I applaud your willingness to share this film. I know it can only help others that are damaged. I believe all marriage counselors should view this film to get their eyes opened to the damage caused by living this experience, and show it to the couples that go to them for help.
Anonymous
"A powerful look at a hushed subject. Zena Dell Lowe’s introspective script makes you think. Does love conquer all? What is real healing and where can we get it? Why can’t we fix each other? Rag Doll will draw you into those questions and give you a glimpse of how painful it can be when our love just isn’t enough."
M.B. Dahl
"What are the limits to love? What is more powerful—hope or love? What matters more to our identity? How do our choices give us the courage to face these questions, or limit the way we can respond to them? There are important questions to ask. Any filmmaker courageous enough to address them (like Zena does) and offer us insight into them should be applauded."
Steven James
"Wow. This is a powerful short film.
I wish that I had not known anything about the premise prior to watching it, because I imagine that there is even more power for the audience as information is revealed. Wonderful acting by the ensemble. It looked beautiful, sound was great and it moved along and told the story in a very engaging way. And this story is based on the filmmaker’s own experiences?
It was very brave of her to put this on screen."
Tom Watson
"Wow. Gut-wrenching scene at the therapist. Heart-breaking tension throughout... and how the filmmaker left it open-ended was brilliant. She painted two suffering human beings with vulnerability, authenticity, and honesty...and kept away from heavy-handedness. Nothing was overwrought about it. Well done, well done, well done! It's also amazing to see the high production values. It looks and sounds great."
Brent McCorkle
"What a terrific glimpse into the heart of an impossible situation. Zena is right when she says that this is not a “Christian” film, and it is not about redemption. It is about shining a spotlight on an oil-and-water relationship that has been forced together by damage or a false ideology, leading to all kinds of mental abuse. I'm amazed at how artfully and delicately she put these issues on the screen. I am impressed by her courage to put her body and soul on the screen for all to see, inspiring others to be as honest.
The truth is, from a Christian perspective, only the Holy Spirit can solve a situation like this. And it has to be a long and personal grind. In order to move forward, we have to see the issue for what it is, make the appropriate decisions, and live with them. I love how Zena’s film shows just how impossible this couple's relationship was without slamming a person over the head with it, or minimizing the reality of their struggle. So beautiful."
John Barnts
"I love this so much. I will admit that I struggled to get this film out of my mind. One of the scenes was so unexpected that I felt violated by it. The images are not something I want in my head. However, hearing Zena explain the rationale behind why she portrayed certain scenes in the shocking way in which she portrayed them really helped me to understand that it wasn't gratuitous or simply for shock value, but rather because the shock was essential to driving home her point.
I love how she so gently explains this in the defense of Rag Doll video (without any real sense of defensiveness). It just comes across so lovingly trying to impart an understanding of the brokenness and damage that both characters have. I love how understanding and forgiving she is, and how this in no way comes across as vengeful. Zena is a light in a dark world. I hope she makes more films."
Felicia Bowen Bridges
"Wow. I just watched this. The filmmaker is AMAZING. Her courage, honesty, and vulnerability to make this… Wow.
She hit spot on such a taboo and difficult subject. I can see where evangelicals would be uncomfortable.
This is truly an honest movie about sex. In most films the sex is always fireworks, bliss, and orgasm. How many films show erectile dysfunction? A couple struggling to connect?
Very few.
In light of the filmmaker’s personal experiences, it would be understandable if the tone was bitter. However, this film has a loving subtext, a recognition that there was a love and connection, flawed and broken, but there. Also, she doesn’t tie it up in a bow and have him converted and victorious at the end. She showed the truth.
This film was gutsy."
Richard Rossi
"Wow. That was powerful. I felt a ton in a tiny amount of time.
The filmmaker took a taboo topic and addressed it in an empathetic but bold way.
I didn't just feel a conflict between him and her, I felt two people fighting within themselves. It's a great talent to get someone curious, and even to commiserate with someone else's dirty secret.
I'm proud of Zena for speaking to a true situation with such painful accuracy.
People NEED honesty like this!
I didn't like it.
It broke my heart.
But I can say I felt love for the people in it. I think that makes it brilliant."
Rachael Hunsucker
"I really wanted to see this film. What and where to start? First, I LOVED IT!!! I am super real and I think Zena’s performance was excellent with deep personality in a truly character driven story. I loved the directing and the writing - very deep but mostly REAL. It was very touching because I thought the filmmaker went beyond and behind the humanity, and the film speaks with a natural flow.
Zena won the award for Best International Short Film Director at LIFF 2015 for this film. She deserved to WIN for all aspects."
Valentina Caniglia
"I like how Rag Doll dives into life, real life, not the happily ever after fairy tales everyone pumps out daily but the darker side, the side which hides in the shadows because it's hard to talk about side.
Everyone has something they are dealing with and most people don't want to deal with anything. They just want to be happy, party and carry on like nothing is ever wrong or needs to be dealt with. This is a thought provoker, for sure. Would make for an intriguing full length flick or elongated 'short story' of sorts in a volume collection."
Mark Griewahn
LETTERS FOR & AGAINST RAG DOLL
Dear Zena –
First of all, I want to say congratulations on the praise you are receiving for your film. As an artist and a filmmaker, that must be a real affirmation for you.
I also want to thank you (again) for your support as I walked through the valley of my husband’s ‘coming-out’ and my ultimate divorce. I have often shared with others how our conversations – meaning a person I never met, but a fellow believer who has walked before me, gave of themselves to support a broken woman- was a real picture of how, I believe, the church (global) should actually function.
I have been spending the last few days seriously refining my thoughts on
Rag Doll, which I watched on Wednesday the 13th (I believe it was the very day you sent the link). Today is Monday and for five days I have been troubled by what I saw. Without knowing anything really, I have to believe you are getting some criticism from other believers for this picture. And so I apologize in advance if this comes across as yet another critical review from some conservative Christian. And truthfully, I almost let that argument sway me from speaking up. However, as a person who has lived what you are calling “the Truth” of this life, I couldn’t keep my concerns to myself. I hope that my thoughts will come across kindly, but with a high level of credibility. After all, I have to be part of a very small demographic who has endured this very specific call in life.
With that being said, I am having a hard time understanding what the benefit is of being a Christian filmmaker who makes films like this one. Please let me elaborate:
Personally, I feel duped, for lack of a better term.. When you use words like “redemptive healing power,” “feminine worth and beauty,” “deny yourself and love them anyway”…I was mistakenly led to believe this would be a redemptive story modeling a righteous and holy, self-sacrificing love. As believers, we know what that looks like. It was modeled for us on the cross. Nothing about the sacrifice the wife makes in this story is how Christ wants the world to understand what He did for us. God is, in no way, glorified by the picture you have painted and quite frankly, it stops short of any redemption whatsoever. This does not represent me or you…people who really lived this way.
I was thrilled to support this project because I want my story….and ones like mine,… to show the world the Hope of a Savior who sees us and walks with us. I wanted to be a part of sharing that God can shape us through difficult experiences and heal us. These are things I have fiercely tried to project since my husband came out, even as I tried in earnest (like you) to walk with my Ex during his struggle. And though neither you nor I were able to have that story of seeing it through for God’s glory, we have not lost hope…well, … I have not lost hope.
I am very worried for you. As someone who knows – as someone who has lived it…I believe we have been called to bring this dark world the supernatural Love, Joy, Peace and Hope of a Creator and Redeemer. Rag doll is the most dark and hopeless story I have ever seen. I would expect this from one who does not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The only thing I can infer from your film is that the husband should leave his wife and liberate her from his shackles while celebrating his homosexuality in the light. Are you saying that no man who has same sex attraction can have a healthy, God-honoring marriage with a woman? Are you saying that any time a wife finds out she is in a difficult marriage, she should forsake it? Are you saying that God is not big enough to walk with and redeem any couple who is called to this kind of life?
I don’t think you meant to say any of these things, and yet you did.
I can only guess that you think you are “just telling your story”. I can only assume you think you are doing a good work here by taking your skills as a filmmaker and shedding light on a dark season of your life.
Zena, as a friend (albeit, not a close one), I am so saddened and concerned for you because I see a woman whose identity is “rejected failure of a wife to a man who is a homosexual.” And what I do not see is a woman who should know that she is a “child of the King” and “heirs with Christ.”
But what concerns me the most….
I see a woman who has made an idol out of her struggle.
I believe you had good intentions but instead made a golden calf out of your story. I am concerned that God is in no way, shape or form a part of this film. You used the talents He gave you, and the experiences He allowed you to endure and made an idol in the shape of a film. I am sorry I supported this project both in spirit and with my money. Please know that I do not want my money back. But I also do not want my name associated with this film at all and I most certainly do not want a copy of the film. I am sorry I watched it and I cannot imagine a scenario where I would use it for any reason. It is my intent to use my story to bring people to Jesus. He is The Truth. This story is not truth.
If, however, you do decide to participate in a God-honoring project that uses our story to bring people to Him, then I will be first in line to support you because that is what we are called to do in this life. I pray this is not the pinnacle of your film career. I pray you see some truth in what I am sharing here. And I pray that you find a way to no longer exalt the struggle but exalt our Savior, who shed His blood and took on the sins of the world so that we might have hope in this life and eternity with Him.
With respect and friendship,
S.G.
Zena,
I just wanted to tell you privately how much I appreciate you. I am VERY passionate about truth-telling, even in fiction, even in HUMOR essays or humorous fiction.
Real life is fraught with drama, conflict, hardship -- the very things that make storytelling interesting. You've completely buoyed my spirits, just knowing that there are uncompromising Christians out there like you, who are making art and not apologizing for it. Sadly, there are too many milquetoast Christians out there who would say WE are the ones who are compromising. They're wrong. They've got it all backwards. They compromise their own art by not letting it be fully truthful and full-orbed.
My point here is to say that more people need to think the way you think. You are not cowardly. You are brave. I want to be as brave and bold and clear-thinking as you are when I grow up.
L.A.
Zena,
Thanks for having the courage to tell the truth. I was very disappointed in the attitude of your recent critic. They can disagree, but to denounce Rag Doll as “not the truth” is a step too far.
The film made me weep. Finally, someone is breaking out from the Christian ghetto and speaking to our depraved culture. You are holding up a mirror and some don’t like what they see.
Your mirror is even bigger than the movie itself. It’s giving you a platform to talk about our ministry to culture and how we have to change.
Remember the high calling for which Jesus has chosen you, and press on.
Affectionately,
Lora Zill
Dear Zena,
You don’t know me, but I just watched Rag Doll and felt compelled to thank you for making such an incredibly well done film. Thanks also for sharing “In Defense of Rag Doll.” I’m moved by the beauty of a hopeless film strangely giving hope and redemption.
What you said about the unredeemed situation being a result of an unrepentant man really resonated with me. You see, I carried the shame of this same situation for years. Not as the wife of a homosexual man, but as a stepdaughter.
When I was in middle school, my mom met and married her third husband three months later. She had no idea of his secret lifestyle until an STD aler
ted her a few years later. Then came the counseling (which occurred in another town and allowed for even more sex with random strange men), the fights, and finally the split. Even with zero culpability in that situation, I bore the guilt of it all until my forties. I couldn’t even get the gumption to go back to church until my mid-twenties.
I appreciate you highlighting the others who are hurt by homosexual sin, both the complicit and the innocent. As I’m learning to sort through what’s my guilt and what’s others, it’s affirming to know where to draw the line. I can own up to my own stuff without taking on others’ garbage.
May God continue to bless your writing and directing career!
Sincerely,
L.S.
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